woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Green mimosas i think yes
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
