May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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