A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
