Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
