I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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