He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
