so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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