I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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