Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
