Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
BRING THE BAGELS
Damn victory sex feels great
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
