You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
