You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
