you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
