I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
