Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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