btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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