but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
