Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize