I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
