Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
