you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
