Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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