So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
