I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
