You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
