is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
