I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
