Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we're making bets on your personal life
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
