My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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