I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
