so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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