I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
