Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
