wakey wakey hands off snakey
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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