I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
