Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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