dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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