as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
