Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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