went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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