i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
