She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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