there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
