hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
