i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
