I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
