Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
