My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
