and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
