Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
