I love black thongs
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
