I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
