I like to think it a success when the cops are called
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
