im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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