He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
