Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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