im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
