just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
