it's like iHOP with fire
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
