cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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