and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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