All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
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This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
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Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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