apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
